Episode 30

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Published on:

28th Oct 2025

How I Healed Toxic Relationship Patterns and Built Secure Love (You Can Too)

Hi friends,

This is my first solo episode in a minute, and I wanted to share some things that have been on my heart when it comes to love and relationships.

My whole adult life, I found myself in very toxic cycles when it came to relationships. I adored red flags. I chose everyone else over myself. I believed that love required (very) hard work and that tears were normal. Loneliness was normal. I was too this or too that. I thought I knew what love was… until I realized I had a really messed up version of love in my head and in my heart.

But the beautiful thing about self-awareness and growth is that cycles can be broken. You can learn a new way of living. You can transcend your own patterns and find yourself in a new, beautiful place. That is the hard work that I am here for.

I am by no means a relationship counselor or expert, but I love love, have spent many years learning and unlearning, and simply want to pass along a few things that changed everything for me this time around.

This episode is incredibly vulnerable to share, but as per usual, I think someone listening might hear exactly what they need…the breadcrumb of insight that will take them to the next step on their journey. So, I’m laying it all out on the table, in the name of love.

I’ve included links to all the resources I talk about, and please share anything you love if you feel guided. I would also love to interview a relationship expert…if anyone has someone they love, please let me know, and I’ll see if I can get them on.

Here’s to love. Here’s to breaking painful cycles. Here’s to continuing to step into your truest self.

From my heart to yours,

Greta

Resources I mention in this episode:

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

https://www.audible.com/ep/mytitle?asin=0593171667&language=en_US&source_code=GO1PP30DTRIAL54702202491G8&ds_cid=21383977191&ds_agid=175570810508&ds_kids=301585783383&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21383977191&gclid=Cj0KCQjwsPzHBhDCARIsALlWNG1WzJR5kT-iFR__MXgq8isW7XTymxGteFyDS9eA0JtjEy8PFDxK_SIaAkBREALw_wcB

 @lisaaromano1  Lisa A. Romano – Codependency & Relationship Expert

Connect with me on Substack for videos, guides, and resources on mindset, BJJ, music, herbalism & much more:

https://substack.com/@thoughtexperimentcalledlife

IG: @thought_experiment_called_life / @altarviolet

TikTok: @thoughtexperimentcalled / @altarvioletmusic

SONG: “You Feel Like Home” by yours truly ALTARVIOLET


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Mentioned in this episode:

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About the Podcast

Thought Experiment Called Life
A podcast for multi-passionate creatives forging nontraditional life paths.
This is a podcast for multi-passionate creatives forging nontraditional life paths.
I’ve never neatly fit into any niche, neither do many people, and neither does this podcast. This is a space for the multi-passionate person—the individual who looks at the world with glittering eyes despite the challenges of a multifaceted life. It’s for those seeking inspiration from positive, unconventional lives and hoping to glean lessons to guide their own path. It’s for those who trust that the right message will find them at the right time, no matter how unrelated it may seem.
This is a space for the existential mind and the open heart—those who understand the power of sharing stories to remind others they’re not alone.

I’ve lived many lives in my time here on Earth, and this podcast dives into a plethora of topics, including (but not limited to):
- Living and thriving with Lyme disease (and autoimmune disease).
- Pursuing your purpose in a world that celebrates conformity.
- Staying mentally healthy as a neurodivergent person in an insane world.
- The power and beauty of plant medicine and nourishing nutrition.
- Why learning self-defense is the ultimate self-care (especially for women)
- The magic of jiu-jitsu: a roadmap to growth and success in every area of life.
- Building healthy relationships—romantic and platonic.
- And perhaps most exciting of all, hearing real stories from multi-passionate individuals living fulfilling, unconventional lives.

This space exists to bring you inspiration, tools, resources, and proof that the call in your heart is there for a reason. I’m excited to walk this path with you.

The wild heart in me bows to the wild heart in you.

About your host

Profile picture for Greta Hotmer

Greta Hotmer